Spain and America's Adventures in Russia's House
by PangeaCosplay
Summary: It all began on Russia's birthday; indescribable, unmatched terrors that could give the toughest of sailors nightmares for weeks to come. Well, maybe I'm over-exaggerating just slightly… but that'll be for you to decide, won't it? This is the account of Spain and America's Adventures in Russia's House. (Warning: sanity not included!) [NOT crack]
1. Spain's Arrival

It all began on Russia's birthday; indescribable, unmatched terrors that could give the toughest of sailors nightmares for weeks to come. Well, maybe I'm over-exaggerating just _slightly…_ but that'll be for you to decide, won't it? This account of Spain and America's Adventures in Russia's House will give you a whole new outlook on your view of the Russian, only with a twist: this story takes place long ago when the countries' physical appearances just passed that of sixteen years old.

* * *

With few clouds in the sky to block the sun's heat, the Spaniard was surprised to find that the air outside was quite chilly. After rubbing at his arms for a moment to maintain his body's warmth, he lifted a hand to wave a 'thank you' to the Russian chauffeur that had picked him up from the airport. Without any sign of acknowledgment the chauffeur adjusted his hat and drove off, undoubtedly to pick up a certain female Hungarian from a neighboring train station.

Picking up his luggage Spain advanced towards Russia's house, slightly intimidated by the large shadow it cast over him. Vast rows of windows gleamed down at him, seeming to silently challenge his presence. Massive double-doors were guarded by two marble statues carved to represent Siberian tigers. Taking a breath, Spain raised a fist to rap his knuckles on the thick oak door. _Knock, knock, knock, knock!_

The sound seemed to reverberate even outside of the house, a heavy silence falling on the lot. As Spain was about to knock again, the doors clicked and parted just enough to reveal a casually dressed Russia. "Hello, comrade! Glad you could make it." The door opened further to reveal Belarus, clinging onto Russia's scarf and glaring up at Spain. "Please, come in."

Smiling at the young girl, the Spanish teen refocused his attention on the Russian in front of him. "_Hola [_**hi**_]_, glad you invited me!" He replied as he stepped into the residence. Briefly examining his surroundings of tiled floors and beige walls, he kicked off his shoes and pushed them aside with a socked foot.

Russia watched him with a patient lilac gaze before speaking. "Come, this way; I will show you to your room."

Readjusting his grip on the luggage, Spain hummed approval and set after the siblings. He followed them down the corridor and through an extensive hallway before Russia halted in front of a door. A large painting of the Kremlin on the far wall caught Spain's attention as Russia spoke. "You will be staying here. Make yourself at home."

"_Gracias_ [**thank you**]! But where do I put your presents?" Spain held up the gift bag he'd been clutching in his right hand.

"Just leave it in your room. We have many fun things to do before gifts." Russia dismissed the question with a wave of his hand. "After settling, meet me in my living room, _da _[**yes**]?"

Spain nodded gratefully and entered the room. As the Russian pair walked away the teen shut the door and studied his surroundings. It was akin to a hotel room with its few decorations, simple white wallpaper and bed adorned in cream-colored sheets. Walking over to the mattress, he placed his bags beside the bed.

With his hands on his hips, Spain inhaled contentedly. He set to work exploring his room, searching through drawers and picking up various photo frames. After he finished examining its contents he set out to meet Russia in his living room when realization dawned on him: he had no idea where exactly that was.

Stepping out of the doorway he furrowed his brows, staring down both directions of the hall. "_Ay, ahora qué hago [__**what do I do now?**__]_?" Deciding against calling out for Russia's help, he clenched his fists determinedly. "I'll find my own way back."

After a moment of thinking, Spain turned to walk the way he had come. His uneasiness vanished at the sight of the corridor ahead and his pace slightly quickened. Before he knew it he had returned to the front doors, though a new problem surfaced. _Where is the living room from here? _This time he had no clues to help him. That's when he heard an abrupt cry quickly followed by a metallic clattering.

He promptly followed the direction the sound had come from, swerving around a corner and through a large archway. "Oh, Ukraine! _Estas bien [__**are you okay**__]?_ "

Crouching by an overturned pan of brown batter was Ukraine. Confusion momentarily crossed the woman's face at the words before she seemed to have concluded that Spain had asked if she was alright.

"Oh, _pryvit_ [**hello**], Spain! Yes, I'm alright, but my poor _Medovik_ cake is… is… is ruined!" She cried, "I worked so hard on it but now I have to start all over again!" With a pout, her gaze remained on the unfinished cake splattered across the floor.

Quickly grabbing paper towels and joining her by the mess, Spain began to help clean it up. "Don't worry, Ukraine! You can always make another one," He attempted to console the other. "I'm sure it'd taste just as good!"

She shook her head fervently with watery eyes. "But it'll take me hours to make another!" With another distressed whimper Ukraine grabbed the pan and stood up (wobbling slightly due to her "large assets"_)_, Spain joining her. "And I just ran out of flour…"

"The others still haven't arrived, so you have plenty of time to bake a second _Medo_… _M-Mediv_… cake!" Spain flashed a sheepish grin before throwing away the towels.

Ukraine smiled and thanked Spain for his help. As she set to work baking once more, Spain remembered to ask where the living room was.

_Walk past the first two doors, turn left and head straight. _Mentally repeating the directions, the Spaniard found himself in the foreroom of Russia's house. Russia's back was to Spain as he placed a bowl of chips on a table that sat next to a sliding glass door. He vaguely took a note of the patio and lake it overlooked.

Spain's eyebrows lifted in surprise. "Belarus, you like to play the Wii?"

She gave a sharp nod, her gaze not leaving the television. He moved to stand by the Belarusian, looking between the dancing game she played and the way she played it. "Heh… I don't think you're doing it right."

Belarus glared at him before shoving the controls into his hands, curtly taking a step to the side to grab another controller. She chose another song, shooting a challenging look to Spain. The teen replied with a small smile of acknowledgment as the song started.

One round soon became two and it was as the duo was finishing their sixth round that Hungary walked into the room, a large bag draped over her shoulder. "I didn't arrive too early, did I?"

* * *

**A/N from America: Ayooo! Hazel/'Murica, here! And chapter one is a-go! We forever get the glory of having this chapter first uploaded on this most wonderful of days- Ahem. c: Soooo, what did you think of this, Spain? **

**A/N from Spain: LHPride here! Uhh, (LAUGHSANDFACEPALMSOHO-) REALLY? (LAUGHS SOME MORE) STOP TYPING WHAT I'M DOING. "SLAPS AMERICA" (SHE SAYS). NO. NOT WHAT I MEANT. REALLY? (SHAKES HEAD AT ME AND TAKES KEYBOARD-  
) You know what I'll type my own stuff now gracias xl It was fine but right now I'm tired as f*** DX**

**A/N from America: I WONDER WHY. IT'S ONLY ONE IN THE MORNING. I keed, I keed. Well, not about the time, but about my caps-raging sarcasm. c: I really hope that this first chapter hooks some epic readers, we're fueled on reviews, you know! Speaking of which, that 'review' button just below is looking mighty fine from here, Spain... Mighty fine indeed... And no, I am not on drugs. :D Maybe. I would say "high off of life".**

**A/N from Spain: Que? What are you? a spokesman? XD (America plays random song) ((Yooo this is Einsamkeit, how do you NOT know what this is it's so pretty andnottomentionsadksdjfasldfasdf-)) I have NEVER heard of this song... TTwTT ((/sOB)) STOP TALKING IN MY AUTHORS NOTE IDIOTA! XD**

**A/N from America: WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME IDIOTA? NOW I'M EEEEEINSAAMKEEEEEIT- /sHOTFORWEABOO-ISHNESS((BYSPAINMORELIKE)). Well, that's about it on my half, aside from asking for your support, readers. c: Anything from you, Spain?**

**A/N from Spain: Nothing much! X3 just hope you guys will keep on reading~ :D So good-whatevertimeperiodyourin :3**

**A/N from America: Toodles! :DD**

A:N


	2. America's Arrival

"Oh, oh, I think it's this one!" America exclaimed, jabbing a finger against the car window.

The Russian chauffeur eyed him with a hint of exasperation. "Are you _sure _this is the right house?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm positive!" The country assured, hopping out of the car and walking up to the door.

"_Da, _that's what you said for the last three houses," The chauffeur grumbled to himself, watching the American use exaggerated arm movements as he spoke to the man standing at the entrance. The man stared at him with a clearly frustrated expression. After a moment more of silently watching the stranger, the man simply slammed the door on the American's face.

America bounded back into the car, a smile on his features. "That definitely was _not _the right house!"

"_Tupyye amerikanskiye [__**stupid American**__]_…" The driver muttered, shifting the car into gear and driving off once again. He seemed to struggle with his English as he spoke, "You know, I dropped off a girl with long hair and a freaky smiling guy a while ago… I think they went to same house you want to go to."

The American shook his head with a loud laugh. "Dude, I don't think you understand me! I'm going to a _party, _not a _house!_"

The driver completely disregarded the American's comment, instead pulling onto the road leading to the large house. "_Ya ne platyat dostatochno, chtoby imet' delo s idiotami , kak eti_ [**I don't get paid enough to deal with idiots like these]**."

"Hey, we're in Amer—Russia, but speak English to me, man!" America cried, latching onto the man's shoulder. The driver shook him off with a growl, leaving America to stare at him with a pleading expression. Pulling out his smartphone and waving it in the air he added, "D'you think you could type that into Google Translate for me or somethin'?"

When the driver offered no reply, America huffed and sat back in his seat. He looked to the phone in his hand and made an audible gasp as he realized he had a new text message.

_Iggybrows: Did you make it to Russia alive?_

_ Me: ys!1 _

_ Iggybrows: Damn._

_ Me: hah very funy says the dude tht ddnt come at all _

_Iggybrows: Unlike you, I actually want to live another day! I'm surprised you haven't frozen your arse yet._

_ Me: i ddnt knw u wer so worried bout my ass ;)))))))_

_ Iggybrows: Bloody hell, could you for once type correctly? You already destroyed the English language and it isn't necessary to destroy it any further by typing in such a crude way! I can't understand a word you're saying!_

The driver's voice pulled America from his texting. "We have arrived. Give me my money and get out."

America looked up from his phone, staring out the window. "I don't think this is the right house. Do you even know where you're going, bro?" With a roll of his eyes he added, "How much d'ya want?"

"Nine hundred seventy two _Ruble_." The man extended his hand back expectantly.

After reaching forward to give the man a high-five—he didn't want to leave a bro hanging— America pulled his wallet from his Captain America jacket, staring into it blankly. "Uhh… American dollars~?" He drawled, slapping a twenty onto the man's palm and quickly exiting the car. He made sure to heave his two suitcases out of the trunk before he forgot.

The man simply stared at the money placed in his hand and muttered, "_Tupyye amerikanskiye [__**stupid American**__]_…" before driving off.

Ignoring the scenery around him, America strolled straight up to the door and pounded aggressively on it. "Man, I hope this is the right house! Freakin' taxi driver dumping me here like that…"

He didn't have to wait long before Russia opened the door, allowing the other to come in. "Ah, America! I'm surprised _you_ came... "

"Whaddaya mean? It ain't a real party until I arrive, and I totally wanted to come and heroically save your birthday from sucking!" America paused to let out a string of laughs.

Russia smiled patiently, blocking the American from entering. "I don't remember inviting you."

America tilted his head to the side. "Bro, what're you smoking? I have the invitation right here!" He reached into the inner pocket of his jacket, pulling out a card to read from it: "'Dear Comrade; I am having a party at my house to celebrate my birthday. Blah blah blah, overnight stay, blah blah, food, yada yada from Russia, to _Canada!_" He added emphasis to the word as he pointed at the name. "See, right here, you…" He looked at the card again, dumbfounded. "_Oh_."

The look Russia gave him all but screamed '_I told you so'_. "Goodbye." He moved to shut the door, though it came to a terse stop. "America, remove your foot from the door."

"Dude, I can't!"

"And why not?"

"Well, one, you're crushing my foot! Two, my plane tickets are for tomorrow, not today, and I had a freakin' terrible time with some Russian driver speaking gibberish to me and he made me get lost so many times, I mean seriously, this bro had no idea where he was going! And then I put together this totally epic gift that cost me like a fortune and stuff and so I can't leave today and—oww, _oww!_ Please open the door before I lose toe circulation!— I know you hate me but don't leave me to freeze out here because I'm freezin' my balls off, bro!" He rambled, jerking his body wildly to try and free his foot.

Russia remained unamused. "Fine."

As the Russian released his vice grip on the door, America's own yanking caused him to fall backwards. "Great catch, ground," He muttered with a wince.

Russia was already retreating into his house as he added, "But you will have to share a room with someone else. For now, leave your luggage in the living room."

"'Kay!" America replied, trotting after. "Hey, you have food, right? It says so right here on my, err, Canada's invitation. See-"

"I know what my invitation says, I wrote it. And no, I'm not going to let you starve," Came the reply, though the teen didn't turn around as he quietly added, "_As much as I want to_."

Oblivious to the ending comment, America rushed ahead at the sight of the living room. "Woah, you have a Wii? Awesome! And oh, 'sup guys!" He offered a wave to the three nations playing Mario Kart.

Russia lazily pointed towards the table of snacks. "I ordered pizza, but over there are the-"

"_FOOD!" _America brushed roughly past Russia and barreled through the other countries.

"_Muevete_ [**move]**!"

"Move, _idióta _[**idiot**]!"

The countries shouted at America as he bustled past the screen, Belarus pitching in with a snarl of her own. He practically collapsed at the tableside and began stuffing his face with chips and downing cups of soda. He came to a rough stop, whipping around and scattering pretzels. "Oh! Hey, Ru'sha, I hafta sho' yew somethen'!" He mumbled, excitedly hopping after his carelessly discarded luggage.

"… I'm sorry?" Russia began but was cut short as a massive balloon erupted into the air, almost tripling in size after being released from the containment of America's zipped suitcase.

Confetti poured about and glitter spilled from the sides of the balloon, the cellophane letters spelling out 'Happy Birthday!'. A shrill, raucous and horribly distorted rendition of "Happy Birthday" screeched from the balloon. America's laughter overlapped the static, Grudge-sounding cheer emitting from the balloon.

Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing to stare at the traumatic display, horror plastered on their faces. America continued to laugh, wiping away a tear as he asked, "Hey, so who's sharing their room with me tonight?"

All eyes returned to their previous places; the three playing the Wii immediately turned back to find that they had all fallen off of Rainbow Road and Russia swiftly moved away to get more food.

"What?"

The silence ended as a rather loud knock echoed through the house, a faint shout just reaching them from the front door: "_Your awesomeness has arrived!"_

"… Oh, the pizza dude is here!"

"You idiot," The Hungarian rolled her eyes.

"Prussia's here! I didn't know he was coming," Spain commented, glancing from the game towards the foyer.

Seeing as Russia went to answer the door, Hungary quietly whispered to the Spaniard, "Well, you see, we bet each other to see who could stay here the longest."

"Ah… Isn't that kind of mean to Russia?" Spain replied, casting Russia a worried look.

"Isn't Russia kind of _dangerous_?" The Hungarian didn't look away from her game as she madly jammed the buttons. Her voice rose as she added, "It was the perfect way for me to prove that I'm braver than that loser will ever be!"

As she spoke, the level ended. America turned to see Prussia and Russia heading towards them; Prussia must have already been shown his room as his luggage was gone.

"Prussia!" Spain acknowledged the albino with a bump of their fists.

"France didn't show face? Kesesesese, good! Now it's an all-man party!" He shot Hungary an intentional glare as he laughed.

Hungary puffed her chest indignantly, setting down her controller to lift an arm and give Prussia the finger. "Very funny, asshole. I'll have you know _America _is here."

"Hahaha, I don't get it!" America laughed upon hearing his name, though his eyes flashed with realization. "… Wait! I'm so not a girl!"

"You will be once we start telling ghost stories~" Prussia smirked before letting out another laugh. "Kesesese!"

"What—you take that back! I could so prove you wrong any time, any place!"

"Oh, really? Just _how_ exactly?" The Prussian sneered, leaning towards the other with his fists tauntingly on his hips.

"Over a game of manhunt when it turns dark!"

"Fine, you're on!" He leaned towards his Spanish friend, covering his mouth with the back of a palm and whispering, "_How do you play manhunt_?"

The only reply he got was a shrug. "It's some strange American custom."

Russia smiled as he stepped between the albino and the American, planting a heavy hand on each of their shoulders. "Hunting men sounds like fun, _da~?_"

Prussia and America turned to give each other mortified looks before letting their gazes float to other directions.

"Uhh, _ja, _okay… _freak_." Prussia shook Russia's hand off of his shoulder and continued, "So who else is coming?"

Russia returned his arms to his sides before speaking. "The other countries called me saying they woke up sick. I hope nothing bad is going around!"

"Wusses," Prussia muttered under his breath.

"Well, no matter!" The Russian continued, "We'll play some dancing games and have fun without them, _da_?"

After a small battery mishap, the countries paired off and began playing Just Dance on the Wii. It was about an hour until their attention spans grew short and they began seeking a new activity.

That's when Spain got an idea.

* * *

**A/N from Spain: Ooooh! What idea do I have? What idea do you think I have, America? l:D**

**A/N from America: GOOD GOLLY GRAVY, I SIMPLY HAVE NO IDEA. WE DIDN'T PLAN THIS STORY OR ANYTHING. xDD JFLKJFL:F. I would like to believe that the story somehow involves Morgan Freeman.**

**A/N from Spain: Why do you want Morgan Freedom in the story? XD ... Imagine if he narrated this story LOL. xD**

**A/N from America: What do you mean? Morgan FkjKJKL FREEDOM. MORGAN FREEDOM. REALLY. I DO NOT PERMIT YOU TO FIX THAT ERROR.**

**A/N from Spain: *dies of laughter* I didn't realize I put Morgan Freedom. XDDD**

**A/N from America: PFFF- FREEDOM FRIIIIIIES. Imagine, taking a bite of your juicy, crispy fry and then... The authentic taste of Morgan Freedom overwhelms your taste buds. You wonder why you didn't make the switch to McDonalds earlier, as you reach for your bottle of Orphan Tears to relish the taste of your fine cuisine-**

**A/N from Spain: ._. You need help :'D Anyways~ I think we should leave before the other countries invade your house and see our top secret files :3 Don't you agree?**

**A/N from America: Indeedy. c: We're going to go take over the neighborhood pool in a bit, huehuehueanladfjlaskfjasdkl;fjlask;fj. Let's hope our landlord doesn't haul ass and kick us out- I mean, uh, come by to greet us happy birthday? :D Somethinglikethat- Remember, readers, reviews are super helpful! You don't even know! QWQ **

**A/N from Spain: Keep on readin'~! Adios~ (^w^)/**


	3. The Legend of the Lake

"_Kanonenkugel _[**cannon ball**]!"

Water splashed in every direction as Prussia cannon-balled into the lake.

"Hey, watch it!" Hungary snapped, briskly wiping water off of her arms. "You're getting me all wet!"

"_Woah, Ungarn _[**Hungary**]_, _I _know_ I'm hot and all but _calm down_!" He held up his palms defensively and wiggled his eyebrows.

Hungary scoffed and rolled her eyes. "_In your dream_s!"

Spain squeezed out of the sliding door that led to the backyard, a massive inflatable turtle raft hooked over an arm. He walked up to the lake's edge, tossing the turtle into the water.

"Ey, aren't you two going to join us?" The Spaniard asked as he noticed Russia and Hungary setting up chairs on the patio.

"Ehh…" Russia shrugged, smiling apologetically. "I'll think about it."

Hungary put on a pair of dark brown sunglasses and adjusted her sun hat. "I don't want to catch a cold; I'm meeting up with Austria next week."

An incoherent grumble was heard in the background by a certain albino man.

"Suit yourselves." Spain stuck a foot into the water, testing the temperature before humming in approval. He backed up a few steps and jumped into the lake.

After a moment of swimming around he lifted himself out of the water, drenched from head to toe, and casually made his way towards the Hungarian. He lifted a hand to shield his eyes from the sun as he stopped beside her. "It's such a sunny day!"

"What are you doing?" She asked, immediately suspicious. The Hungarian wiped a few drops of water from her leg and added, "Back up, please. You're getting water on me."

Grinning widely, Spain took a seat on top of Hungary and wrapped a dripping arm around her. "What did you say? I couldn't hear you, I think I have water in my ear!" He shook his hair, sprinkling water all over her face.

"_Spain!" _She cried, though was immediately overtaken by laughter. She opened her mouth to speak again but was interrupted.

"_Dude, _is this _really _the only thing you've got?" Everyone turned to the source of the voice. All eyes shifted down to what he was wearing.

Silence.

"I would swim naked if I knew I was going to have to wear _this_!" Before he could finish his sentence everyone broke into laughter.

Spain fell out of Hungary's lap, clutching his stomach as he laughed harder. "A-America, why are you wearing a _speedo?!"_

Prussia was wheezing for breath, gasping out, "Especially one with a _Russian flag design_?"

Hungary casually held out a hand for Russia to high-five.

"You know, America, I am thinking your brother would have remembered to bring his own swim trunks. You're lucky I had anything small enough to fit you." Russia pointed out. Prussia collapsed into the water, laughing and choking at the same time.

The Prussian sputtered out water and he desperately reached for the turtle's head, attempting to climb up it. Spain stopped laughing as he noticed this and immediately ran towards his friend in need— Felipe the Turtle.

"Nope!" He called out as he made a flying leap for the back of the turtle, sending Prussia up into the air and further back into the water.

"You should be careful, Prussia," Russia started from where he sat on the raft, startling the Spaniard who cast frantic glances between the patio and the turtle. "Xenia won't be too happy that you're getting so close to her."

Prussia froze, turning to look at him. "_Was_ [**what**]?"

"'Xenia'?" America paused in his conversation with Hungary, frowning slightly and puffing out his chest. "Who is that? Is she a damsel in distress?"

"_Nyet_ [**no**], she is girl who drowned in lake." He said casually. "Nothing important."

Hungary tensed from where she was now wading into the water. "How is a girl drowning in a lake 'nothing important'?"

"Because her grudge lies with foreigners." Russia replied. They all gave him a confused look. "I will tell you the Legend of the Lake."

Clearing his throat, he began. "A long time ago, before I owned home, Xenia was throwing a party very similar to this one. She invited many family and friends from across the world to enjoy her new home when somebody decided, 'Oh, let's go swim in the lake'! She refused because it was harder to swim when it was cold, but her guests went in without her. Xenia had no choice but to follow.

"She was a great swimmer, so her friends dared her to swim to the other side of the lake and back. She started off well, but as she was swimming back things went wrong. They say that she might have gotten a cramp and drowned, but those who were close to her knew she was too good of a swimmer to be stopped by something so trivial. Many believe something had grabbed her and dragged her down. Her body was never found."

The silence that followed was punctuated by America sniffling.

Spain broke the silence with a question. "_Pero_ [**but**], why does she have a grudge against foreigners?"

Russia's smile widened. "Because no one saved her."

"_Duuude, _that is _so _creepy!" America quipped.

Suddenly, frantic splashing caught their attention.

Prussia was now in the middle of lake, causing a commotion as he floundered. He gasped for air desperately, his crimson eyes wide in terror.

"_H-Hilfe_ [**help**]!" He cried, his head momentarily disappearing under water.

"_Prussia!" _They all chorused with the exception of America, whose scream rivaled that of a girl's.

Before anyone had a chance to react Hungary threw herself forward, disregarding what she had said earlier about not wanting to get wet. Spain and America were frozen in shock. Hungary dived after Prussia, who had already vanished underwater. Russia wore an off-put expression, failing to understand what was going on.

The few seconds of complete silence that followed felt like hours. Finally, bubbles signaled the Hungarian's return as she surfaced. Prussia was draped limply over her back.

Snapping back to reality, Spain swam forward to help his two friends.

They dragged him onto land and lay him gently on his back. They all clustered around the albino in silence as Hungary violently shook him. "Prussia? _Prussia, kelj fel, te rohadék _[**wake up, you asshole**]!"

Spain quickly moved forward, placing one hand on top of the other as he began pressing down on Prussia's chest. Prussia coughed water into the Spanish man's face as he leant down in an attempt to do mouth-to-mouth.

Red eyes slowly blinked open. Hungary cradled his head in her lap, wiping water from his face. "P-Prussia, are you okay?"

Prussia coughed, his chest heaving as he struggled to breathe. "…H-Hungary? Is that you?"

"Yes." She replied quietly, staring down at him with a broken smile.

"There's… something I've always wanted to tell you," He rasped, pausing again to take a few ragged breaths.

"What? What is it?" She bit her lip, her eyes widening slightly.

"I…" He rose a shaking hand up towards her face. "I-I…!"

Spain felt hopeless knowing he was unable to do anything for his friend.

America's brows were furrowed and his jaw was agape.

Russia frowned slightly at the scene before him, confusion written on his features.

"I…" His shoulders quivered and he quickly bowed his head to the grass.

Hungary grabbed his face, forcing him to look at her. "_What_?"

Prussia's lips began quivering. A stifled laugh turned into a snicker before breaking into full-fledged laughter, his body shaking violently as he cackled. "_I can't believe you fell for that!"_

"Ahh… now I see. It was joke." Russia made a disappointed noise.

America drew a blank. "… So it was a joke? You're not really dying?"

The albino, now doubled over on his hands and knees, pound a fist into the ground. "Of course not! I'm far too awesome to _die_!" He howled with mirth.

Spain exhaled in exasperation. "I should've known!" He cast Hungary a sheepish grin but frowned when he noticed tears in the corners of her eyes. "Hungary, are you okay?"

The Hungarian balled her fists, sniffling once before abruptly raising her hand and slamming it down on Prussia's back. He slammed into the ground, grunting in pain. "_You asshole!"_

Prussia reached to rub at his lower back with a grimace. Hungary marched towards the house, calling over her shoulder, "That wasn't funny, you dick!"

"Not cool man, not cool." America shook his head. "You shouldn't do that to your girlfriend!"

Prussia shoved the American into the lake before jogging towards the patio. "_H-Hungary, _wait! I was just kidding! See? I'm not dead!" He waved his arms as he entered the house.

Spain facepalmed and Russia let out a laugh. "I guess we should all go inside and dry off now, _da _[**yes**]?"

* * *

**A/N from America: HUEHUEHUEDFLKJSFDSF. This chapter will always be near and dear to me in my heart. And in my left kidney. c: We always quote a lot from this chapter, don't we? I love the weird looks people give me as we talk about Xenia and Prussia drowning. xDD Our own little Prussia may or may not have a vendetta for how many drowning jokes we've made about her that she doesn't understand. Now it's a matter of hoping she doesn't find this before we finish-**

**A/N from Spain: I always die laughing when people give us looks like 'what the fuck are they talking about?'. *COUGHHAKKCOUGH* WHAT THE FUCK, YOU AREN'T GOING TO DO THAT AGAIN ARE YOU- Geez you're so annoying when you do that XD I really have to type my own stuff from now on :3 *COUGH* EGGHHHH SORE THROAT MAKES ME SOUND LIKE PRUSSIA DX bleh anyways~ I don't know about you but my favorite part is when you walk out in a speedo... a Russian speedo ^J^**

**A/N from America: /aHEM. IT WASN'T BY CHOICE,MIND YOU. I'M SURE THAT HE HAD SOMETHING IN THAT MASSIVE SUITCASE OF HIS THAT COULD HAVE HELPED HIM. I MEAN, REALLY, THE SUITCASE PROBABLY HELD A LOT OF CRAP, HOW DID HE MANAGE TO BRING EVERYTHING BUT A SWIMSUIT? And now as I roll away from the caps-rage category, yo, your dog is like a hella cute. ;; I kind of want to jump on the beanbag she's laying on and see if she'll pull a Prussia and go flying-**

**A/N from Spain: I KNOW SHE'S CUTE~! :D She's the freakin' cutest dog in the world *COUGHBETTERTHANYOURSCOUGH* But if you send my dog flying and you'll get a one-way ticket out the window and into the soon-to-be thunderstorm ._. So readers! Keep on reading and make sure to leave some reviews por favor~ :3 Adios!**

**A/ Nfrom America: AIN'T NO DOG CUTER THAN OREO. THE WAY HE BIT MY FACE AND DREW BLOOD AND VERY NEARLY SHOULD HAVE GAVE ME STITCHES ON MY LEFT HAND IS TOTALLY CUTE. OH MY GOD THIS SPACE BAR WILL KILL ME. I AM GOING TO DIE. And ;; youwouldn't. YOU WOULDN'T. I'D LIKE GO CRAWL UNDER YOUR HOUSE OR SOMETHING. YOU WOULDN'T. And yes! Be sure to read and review and all of that glorious stuff! :'3 We really need it, yo! Hazel, ouuuut~!**


	4. Departure

As Russia stepped through the opened glass door his face became well acquainted with a striped towel.

Hungary held up pillows from the couch, hurling them in an attempt to hit Prussia. Various furniture was turned over in a pitiful excuse for a fort that said albino was hiding in.

"We're countries, it's not like we can _die_!" Prussia huffed, narrowly avoiding a close encounter with a pillow.

Russia took a step forward, frowning slightly at the crunching sound that followed. He rose a foot to observe the pretzels scattered on the floor. The Russian sighed, opening his mouth to speak before being pushed aside by a blur of blonde.

"You _monsters!_" America shrieked, scooping up the pretzel crumbs. They fell through his shaking fingers. "_They didn't do anything to you!"_

Hungary paused, her pillow poised just inches from Prussia's face. Her voice was hushed as she asked, "… Is he talking to the food?"

"Wait…" Spain shook his head in confusion as he took in the trashed room. "You were only alone for like thirty seconds, how did you manage to…?"

"I'm done with this!" Hungary snapped, striking the pillow to Prussia's head and storming off.

Prussia removed the pillow and lifted his head to call after the Hungarian only to have it shoved back down by Russia's hand as he passed. "Stay."

"I'm not a dog…!" Prussia muttered, picking himself up. He ran a hand through his hair before turning to the two nations standing by the glass door (who were shaking their heads in disapproval).

"You just don't know how pick up ladies-" America's comment was cut short as Spain cuffed him over the head.

"_Idiota _**[idiot]**, _that's _what you're worried about?" Spain scoffed, rolling his eyes. He grinned at Prussia, adding, "Just give her time to cool off."

"_Ja _**[yeah]**, but-"

_Clang!_

The three simultaneously looked up with a start.

"What was that?" America furrowed his eyebrows in concern, his eyes glued to the ceiling.

"Who knows?" Prussia gestured towards Spain, catching his attention. He mischievously grinned and continued, "Maybe it was a _ghost._"

'_Que__**[What]**__?' _Spain mouthed though immediately perked up when he caught on. "A-Ah, _si _**[yes]**, maybe it's that Xenia girl coming to get her revenge?"

The American's head snapped down to look at the pair, his face paling. "W-What? But I thought ghosts could only haunt the places they died in! So she can't, like, come up out of the water or whatever, right? … _Right?!"_

"Maybe in America… But, you know, this is_ Russia_." Prussia held back a laugh.

_Clang!_

They heard the sound again; it was metallic and hollow.

Spain inched towards Prussia, staring at the space behind the American with a horrified expression. He elbowed the albino, jerking his head towards America. "Do you see her?"

"Wait… See _who?"_

"_Ja _**[yeah]**," Prussia replied, squinting his eyes. "but I can't tell if that's lipstick or blood…"

"If there's anything I learned from Slender, it's not to turn around." America's words came out in a rush. "_Guys. _W-What's behind me?"

_CLANG!_

The sound came from directly behind them, frightening the nations. The two Bad Touch Trio members screamed and jumped into each other's arms as America dove for the overturned couch.

Spain turned towards the source, horror written on his features. He deadpanned. "_Belarus?!"_

Belarus stood in the entrance to the hall, struggling with the array of tools she cradled as she bent down to pick up a stray wrench.

Russia appeared behind her and earned another scream from the BTT members. "Belarus? What are you doing?"

"The showers are broken." She flatly replied, straightening herself and walking away.

Hungary joined Russia a moment later, her luggage held under an arm.

Prussia stared at her blankly a moment before shoving his Spanish friend and sending him flying towards the couch. "Wait! You're leaving? I didn't mean to offend you _that _much-!"

The Hungarian teen held up a hand to interrupt him. "I'm not angry anymore, you _fasz _**[dick]**! My boss's secretary called saying it was his birthday. I have to return home." She wrinkled her nose with a giggle. "Do you really think _you _could scare me away?"

The corner of his mouth turned up into a smirk.

Spain hauled himself to his feet, smiling as if he _didn't, _in fact, just get shoved to the ground. "It was fun while it lasted, Hungary! Tell your boss _Feliz Cumpleaños _**[Happy Birthday]**~"

"I will," Hungary smiled. "Tell America I said goodbye when he comes back."

Russia blinked in realization. "I was too busy enjoying the silence to notice that he was gone. Did Xenia get him?" He teased.

America abruptly stood up from behind the couch, shuddering violently and clutching a pillow. "So it _was _you who sent that crazy bitch after me, wasn't it you little fuck?! You and your communist shit won't be able to scare me that easily! You'll see, you'll _all _see when McDonalds finally takes over your nasty-ass restaurant businesses and everything becomes _freedom fries! _Just you wait, my capitalism will take over your stupid communism-"

"_Calmate_ **[calm down]**!_ Calmate amigo _**[calm down, friend]**! We were just joking, there was no ghost!" Spain reassured.

As Spain attempted to calm down the fussing American, Hungary voiced a farewell to Russia before handing him her gift and leaving. By the time Russia returned from showing her to the door, he was annoyed to find that the two European countries and the American were still bickering with each other. "... I think we should all take shower now."

"'We'? What do you mean by _'we'_?" Prussia was immediately suspicious that this was another chance for them all to 'become one'.

"_Que _**[what]**?" Spain asked, confused at America's reaction of backing away slowly with his hands up.

At that moment, a distressed cry interrupted the conversation. They all turned to see Ukraine walking towards them with a worried expression. "Little brother, the showers aren't working except for one of the guest bathrooms! It looks like someone broke them, but I don't know who!"

Belarus showed herself from behind Ukraine. "Let us take a shower together, big brother!"

Russia decided it would be best to ignore Belarus's comment. Turning to the other nations he replied, "Okay, then."

The youngest sibling smiled, turning and stalking away.

Russia looked at her curiously before continuing, "We'll have to take turns. Who goes first?"

Ukraine suggests that they should take showers in pairs. "The heater won't last long enough to warm the water for more than two showers," She explained.

Prussia and Spain immediately snapped their gazes to each other and with a shared nod stepped forward. "We'll take a shower together," They chorused.

"Woah, _woah, _hold on a sec'. I am _not _taking a shower with that commie bastard." America complained, glaring daggers at the Russian.

Russia smiled. "As long as I shower with someone, it is okay with me. Let's see what we can do."

They briefly discussed their options. After a small brawl, a guessing game and a match of rock-paper-scissors, it was decided that America would shower with Spain and Russia would shower with Prussia (despite his protests).

"Take one for the team, pal." America grinned, patting him on the back before following Spain to the only working shower.

After they left, Prussia turned to Russia.

"… Did you even get in the water?"

* * *

**A/N from Hazel: I'm way too tired for this. And shhhnoo it can totes be from Hazel nooo sfdsfsadfdasf. Oh man, I'm like pooped. We get to go to a mall tomorrow. I want to wear that horse mask. c: Why am I even saying this stuff?**

**A/N from LHP: 'Cause I fucking can UGH I'm so tired Hav-Hazel *slams head on desk* and if you wear that horse mask you're giving me a piggyback ride... whether you like it or not :)**

**A/N from Hazel, yo: You've got yourself a deal! :D You know, I find it amusing how when we type these we quite literally just sit here in silence. Like, I get texting each other while in the same room (actually, no I don't-) but we're legit just two breathing fleshy bodies just sitting right here next to each other and typing to each other as if we're like countries apart pen pals oMG GIRLFRIEND 11112. **

**A/N from LHP: *laughs* (too lazy to type it out) I've never thought about that! XD UGH Keep reading and shit make a fucking review every once in a while okay? G'night *knocks out***

**A/N from Hazel: Wsdfasf, well, I mean, if you want. C: You know. Because reviews are nice. QWQ DSfsafasf. But yes, in terms of actually relating to the story, this chapter was a tad uneventful. But the next chapter is an author's pick for both of us, I believe. Yes? No? Yes? Yes. Yes it is. :3 Shhh it's legit 3:00 am exactly we're allowed to be braindead dsfsafasdf. Weeeelllp, since we've somehow turned the author's note section into a twitter feed, I'm going to roll away now. I've got sunshine in my pants. Again, please review because it helps us out more than you could imagine! **


	5. The Shower

"Okay, let's set some ground rules here, man. I don't know how you do it in Spain, but in America two dudes don't just casually take showers together. We are _not _taking off our swimsuits, we clear?"

"_Ey_, _hombre_, _no soy Japon _**[Hey, man, I'm not Japan]**!" After receiving a blank look from the U.S. he translated, "I'm not Japan!"

The bathroom was simple; it had a small sink and mirror with a toilet sitting beside it. The shower was closed off by a dark red curtain. A rusted laundry machine rested by the door and a small night table was the only decoration, sitting alone in a corner. The source of light to the bathroom was a single bulb placed above the mirror. To put it plainly… _it was scary._

"… Does this color look like blood to you?" America asked, tugging at the curtain.

"There isn't a light in there?!" Spain exclaimed as he peered in after the American. The only things in the shower were two bottles of shampoo and a bar of soap on the floor.

"There isn't a built-in TV in there?!" The United States seemed to think frantically rubbing his hands along the wall would make said television appear.

"_Espera _**[wait]**, you have a TV in your bathroom…?"

"Yeah! You don't?" America questioned. He looked like he was about to reprimand Spain when the door was thrown open and slammed shut.

They turned. They blanched. They screamed.

"Naked lady, _naked lady_, _naked fucking lady!" _America screamed, lifting his hands to shield his eyes.

"Belarus! _Por que estas desnuda _**[why are you naked]**?!" Spain shrieked, turning bluntly in the other direction. He found himself staring into the mirror… directly at the Belarusian's exposed body.

"… Big brother isn't in here?" She asked while regarding the pair with disinterest.

Spain flung himself at the door, careful to avoid any unnecessary contact as he sprinted from the bathroom. His body slammed into an adjourning closet door. A faint cry was heard from behind as he pushed off of it and ran: "Hey, _don't leave me here!"_

**Spain's POV:**

Spain flew towards the living room as fast as his feet would carry him, a wail rising in his throat. He nearly fell as he stumbled to a halt in front of Russia and Prussia, who broke their conversation to stare at him from where they sat on the floor.

"NGHGAAAH!"

After delivering his message, Spain sprung for the nearest available corner and huddled into a fetal position, tangling his fingers into his hair. _Olvídalo_ **[forget it]**!_ Olvídalo_ **[forget it]**!

He heard Russia question his cryptic message from behind. "Hey, what happened? What's wrong? It isn't another dead body, is it?" ("…_Vas_ **[what]**?")

Spain gave tiny shakes of his head. "Your sister's naked!" His voice cracked as he shouted. He cast the pair a glance.

Prussia's lips formed a tight frown and Russia's eyes were wide in shock.

"_Chto_ **[what]**?!" Russia abruptly stood up and rushed towards the bathroom.

Prussia stared at Spain in confusion. "What happened?"

"_Belarus is naked in the bathroom!" _He wasn't sure if he could make it any plainer to the Prussian.

He seemed to finally understand. "Kesesesese!"

**Meanwhile, in America's POV:**

Spain flung himself towards the door, careful to avoid any unnecessary contact as he sprinted from the bathroom. America cried after him, "Hey, _don't leave me here!"_

He turned to Belarus before realizing that it was a bad idea and instead focused on the ceiling. "_Why don't you have any clothes on_?!"

He could _feel _the glare she shot him. "Where is big brother? I wanted to shower with him."

_Woah, that crack in the ceiling totally resembles a bunny! Ha, haha… okay, this chick needs to GTFO. Like, _now. "O-Okay, that's great, dude! Why don't you cover yourself with a towel, or a swimsuit, or, _I don't know, _maybe some _clothes?!" _

"What are you talking about, American? You do know you are not supposed to wear clothes in the shower?" America couldn't tell if she had moved away from the door or just shifted, and wasn't willing to risk the break for freedom. The crack was actually starting to resemble Morgan Freeman… "Big brother is not in here?"

"_No, _'big brother' is _not in here!" _He snapped, squeezing an invisible ball as he fought panic. "_Please _step away from the door and let me go!"

"Not until you give me big brother." Belarus growled, folding her arms (from what he guessed).

_Sweet Baby Jesus and Holy Mother of All Things Beautiful, put on some _pantalones **[pants]**_, lady-!_

"_Chto _**[what]**?!"

Footsteps rapidly approached before Russia burst into the bathroom, immediately grabbing Belarus by the shoulders and turning her away from America. "_Pochemu ty golyy_ **[why are you naked]**?!"

"_Ja chacieŭ , kab licca z vami _**[I want to shower with you]**." Belarus flatly replied.

"I don't understand a word of what you're saying but _let me out of here!_"

"That won't be necessary, I'll be taking her." Russia assured, quickly leaving with the Belarusian in tow.

America wasn't sure if he wanted to cry or puke. Or both.

**Normal POV:**

Spain hesitantly poked his head into the bathroom, unsure as to if the coast was clear. "Is she gone?" He whispered.

"Yeah… she's gone." The American teen replied, his voice weak.

Spain let out a sigh of relief. "That was the worst experience in my life."

"You're one to speak! Thanks for leaving me, you jackass!" America hissed. "Only Morgan was here to keep me company!"

"_Lo sien_ **[I'm sor-]**-_ espera _**[wait]**, who's Morgan…?"

America stepped towards the shower. "Let's just get this over with. Maybe if I scrub my hair hard enough I can get that image out of my mind."

Spain closed the door, reaching to drag the night table in front of it. They wouldn't want another Belarus incident, would they?

"I wonder how this works… there aren't any buttons."

"… You turn the handle, _estupido _**[stupid]**."

"Don't make fun of my speedo, bro!"

"I wasn't… ugh, never mind."

"Oh, okay!"

Pause.

"Spain, wanna sing a song?"

"... Sure, why not!"

Twenty Pitbull songs later (it wasn't their fault he was the only Spanish-American artist they knew!), they found themselves bored.

"Ey, America! Smell this!"

"What? Isn't that a bit weird? I don't want a bath salt incident…"

"No, this smells great!"

"… Holy shit, you're right! This smells like cupcakes and cookies sprinkled with rainbows!"

"Uhh… I guess?"

"Wait… is this kind of like sniffing Russia?"

"…"

After desperate attempts to get a firm grip on the bar of soap and a failed attempt to blow bubbles, the darkness began irking the pair.

"Hey, Spain, see if you can't find another light for this shower. A candle or something!"

"A candle, America? _Really_?"

"Whatever, just go find a light!"

"… What does this switch do?"

"NNNGGGGGGGGGG—"

They both released girlish screams.

"What the _fuck_?!" America hollered over the noise.

Spain switched off the bathroom fan. "I didn't know!"

"What the hell _was _that? It sounded like a demonic fish eating pancakes made out of human flesh and rocks while Satan was anally fisting a puppy!"

"That's one way to put it…"

Spain hopped back into the shower. One concerned-Russian-knocking-at-the-door later…

"Do you think this water comes from the lake?"

"Dude, don't even _joke _about that. She could come out of the freakin' showerhead if she hears you!"

"_Si _**[yes]**, America. A full-grown woman is going to come out of that tiny showerhead and eat you."

"You never know, man! She could have demonic babies or something that she needs to feed! Like Russia…"

"…_Necesitas_ _ayuda _**[you need help]**…"

"I've never heard of that place. Do you think the water really comes from there? If I had to guess, it came from Siberia or something…"

"_Callate_ _ya_ _loco _**[shut up already, crazy]**!"

"Look, man, I have no clue what you just said… But do you want to sing some more?"

"Okay."

* * *

**A/N from Spain: Eheh... The sad part is that this actually happened :'D That was horrible TTwTT I've been scarred for life- America stop singing "What Does the Fox Say" XD **

**A/N from America: pFPFFT. RING-DING-DING-DING-DINGERINGEDING. I CAN'T GET IT OUT, IT'S STUCK IN MY HEAD- But aHEM. Onto the story. C: Yes, this all happened. And it was all quite terrifying. The next chapter is another good one too, and the one after that, and... okay, this entire story is like. Something we are immensely proud of. x'D That being said, any reviews on what we did right or how we can improve would be so very appreciated. ;o; Like, yo. You don't even. Lessthanthree. You know, whenever one of us gets an idea we both just kind of go "Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah," over and over. xD And then when the other one understands it we just kind of join in like "Yeauh yeah yeah yeah,". PFF.**

**A/N from Spain: I say something more like "Je je je je je" and UGH KEYBOARD WHY DO YOU HATE ME anyways :3 I also notice how it's you who usually types a freakin' essay for an author's note and i just have one or two lines XD But yes review please! OOH THAT PERSON WHO REVIEWED ON THE LAST CHAPTER GRACIAS! THANK YOU! We need that :D Anywho~ read, review, repeat :3**

**A/N from America: Okay, while the logical half of my brain was going "okay you're done don't reply to that because she ended it perfectly", we all know I am not a logical person so I completely disregarded that lone voice and threw it into a corner somewhere. ovo Yes, that tends to happen. ;w; To prevent this from becoming shameless advertising I shan't say names, but our Hungary and I were writing and we started off with one to two sentences per paragraph and slowly we got to like these massive walls of text and then all of a sudden they went back to like one sentence posts. It was really odd. x'D But yes, as Spain is saying, I need to end this already. This was not relevant to you at all. And now, slaves of the glow cloud, the review button... /nUDGES TOWARDS BOTTOM OF SCREEN.**


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